A blind man walks
into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks
up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The
manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
A man goes to a bar
with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The
bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye
dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm
sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his
drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks
in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops
him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you
tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously
thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a
drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog
The second man replies
"This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No,
I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?!
They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q: Why don't blind
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
A blind man was describing
his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed
in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My
hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the
"But how do
you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I
have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and
grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do
you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the
ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh,
the dog's leash goes slack."
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting
forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.
They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked
that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given
additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind
since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision
and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that
his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never
been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason
did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way
that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one
feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what
the other animal was.
The snake agreed,
and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few
moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail.
I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor
to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few
minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy,
you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the
time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"