Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis
have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have
between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between
a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it
won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before
he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make
Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite
thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to
the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this
list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but
you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new
super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to
the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped
by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware
have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a
wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs
say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the
vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the
Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between
love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend
scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit
card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their
wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their
laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a
man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman
to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap
smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called
cunt scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between
your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your
paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in
whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a
40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40
year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can
be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker
for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's
already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's
done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the
constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest
athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a
masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car
insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia
only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other
three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man's
ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a
high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What's in the toilet of the
star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with
her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross
Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. What do you call two lesbians
with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Q. Did you hear they came out with
a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue
and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the difference between
tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
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