did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
Did you hear about
the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
What did the neurotic
pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
Q: When is a farmer
like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
Q: Why did the farmer
call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q: What do you call
cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: Why can't the
bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed
by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the
section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted
to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled
to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room
of the general store.
The attorney for
the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get
him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling
job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he
After the rancher
had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer
couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling
the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man,
but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose
when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't
have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied,
"Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried
about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came
home this morning."
bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one
afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and
crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
Seeing what happened,
the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to
dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later,
the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the
old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied,
"Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how
them politicians lie."
Seems a guy was driving
for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and
before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*...
he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he
stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify
the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he,
"Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of
your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this
might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of
just driving off...."
"Not so fast",
says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe
him? What does he look like?"
The man promptly
flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like thts"as
he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
"Oh no, you
*horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he
look like*before* you hit him?"
At that, the man
got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh