... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go
to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke
as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have
the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy
"The most remarkable
thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family
nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't
say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen
"I've been on
a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total
of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm
bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck
"I told my doctor
I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills.
Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis
"I will not
eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded --
dead." -- Woody Allen
"Food is an
important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz
makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin
-- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
-- Enrico Caruso
shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives
they can get." -- Robert Orben
About 85% of women
are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish
they didn't have to.
A friend and I were
standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place
There was a big sign
posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front
of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if
I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
How to Annoy Your
10. Eight hour lunch,
two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse
me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes
each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks
by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds,
yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before
ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth
around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for
dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you
eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by
to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat