The big list of
fun stuff to do in that boring ol' courtroom of
1. Bring a cell
phone and order a pizza when the judge starts
2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and
launch a few at the defendant when the judge
3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the
evidence, if any blood is present.
4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an
accomplice, duck your head and quiver.
5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything
the judge says. EVERYTHING.
6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge
starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under
7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you
in any way, stare off into space and blow spit
8. Sing "The Song That Never Ends" incessantly.
9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips
and motion that you'll "call him"
10. Actually call him
11. Bring a kazoo.
12. Act like you're doing something important,
and ask them to "keep it down"
13. Every time the judge uses the gavel, keel
over backwards and act like you've been shot.
14. Bring a Gameboy and leave the volume at
15. Wait until everybody is completely focused
on the trial, then blow a referee's whistle as
loud as you can. Point to the person next to you
and tell him to "stop it!"
16. Pretend you turn into a pig when you get
wet. Douse yourself in cold water and act like
17. Call the judge a wuss when he issues the
death penalty. When he accuses you of contempt
of the court, look puzzled and ask him what it
means. When he answers, object.
18. Dress up like Santa Claus
19. Drink all of your lawyer's water, then ask
for more. Then ask to go to the bathroom.
20. Hiccup every time somebody says the word
21. Change your plea every five minutes
22. If you're the judge, call the defendant the
plaintiff, the plaintiff a lawyer, the witness a
juror, and the jurors defendants. Call the
23. Gurgle into the microphone.
24. Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you
have, then take a poll of others in the audience
if they too have a nasty wedgie.
25. If in
traffic court, when asked to stand, walk over to
the judge and issue him a parking ticket on his
26. When asked
to produce evidence, pick your nose, smear the
snot on the table, point to it and say, "From
this it is obvious, I am not guilty!"
27. Wear those
X-Ray vision glasses from Halloween, when
someone walks past, stare them up and down then
shake head in dismay.
28. Popcorn and
a large coke, if anyone asks about it, show them
your ticket and say "I'm a paying customer!".
29. Fart, pause
momentarily, and comment under your breath,
"I've done better..."
30. Fart again
later on, take a deep breath and state
enthusiastically "Now that's more like it!".
31. Bring a
Lego replica of the courtroom, including Lego
people, and imitate everything happening,
pronounced guilty, reply "How about we try that
again, this time Rock, Scissors, Paper - best of
toaster and wave a box of "Tropical Sprinkles
Pop Tarts" around while asking "Where's a damn
plug around here!".