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Funny Limericks

There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22

There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he cried "oh this just sucks"
and walked around looking like a dork.

There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"

There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass

I know an old owl named Boo,
Every night he yelled "Hoo,"
Once a kid walked by,
And started to cry,
And yelled "I don't have a clue!"

There once was a girl named Kelly who liked to eat
She also didnt wash her feet
You could tell because they were smelly
So everyone called her fat smelly Kelly
They call her that because she likes to eat and has smelly feet.

There once was a man stuck in a stall
He tried to get out but would fall
One day a man flushed
The fat man just blushed
And quickly ran out of the mall

I once knew a person named Burl
Whose looks would make you hurl
why do I say it?
I'm not full of shit
this thing was half boy and half girl.

There once was a young boy named Nick
Who by chance was always being kicked
He tried not to fight
For he was smart, kind and bright
So he learned how to run really quick

There was an old lady from Wheeling,
who had a funny feeling
she laid on her back,
and tickled her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran

A fellow jumped off a high wall
And had a most terrible fall
He went back to bed
With a bump on his head
That's why you don't jump off a wall