Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're
right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a
n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the
tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything
up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond
joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze
dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it
so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
n. The last two minutes of a football game.
v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee
list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to
take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare
dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never
be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war
stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he
isn't coming out anytime soon.
n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to
hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and
n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also "tranquilizers."
(wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or
swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez
dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner,
diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a
Translations for men
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there,
so that you will know what we really mean when we say...
"IT'S A GUY
is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have
no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP
isn't it already on the table?"
"SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE
TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK,
HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW
BAD MY MEMORY IS."
remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first
girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of
I've ever owned...
but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS,
I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before
I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT
MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND
didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I
DO THIS TIME?"
did you catch me at?"
"I'M NOT LOST.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE
make the messes; she cleans them up."