The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.