does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll
get, or how long it'll stay.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected
really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow
head might be necessary."
don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might
you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going
out sooner or later."
much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's
their way to tell you by now."
have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning:
"I gotta turn on my answering machine."
lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The
police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's
6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that
makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door
neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells
the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches
tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police
such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported
him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
A. A widow.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
A. They already have boyfriends.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it
take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her
God says: "So she would love you."
people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and
one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are
all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person,
but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that
she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she
was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and
for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked
him if there was any way that they could make it appear that
they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"
A man was invited
for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something,
he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My
Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc.,
etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really
nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying
those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly,
I've forgotten her name."