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Physics Jokes

Q. Where does bad light end up?
A. In prism.

Q. What happens when you cut a prism in half?
A. All the prismers escape.

Q. How do you see through pressurized glass?
A. Press your eyes against it! (Hint: it's all in the delivery)

Q. Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm?
A. Because he couldn't resistor.

Q. How do you know if you're being approached by the Quantum Mafia?
A. They make you an offer you can't understand.

Q. ‘What do Australian mathematical physicists drink?'
A. 'Castlemaine d/dx 2x squared +c' of course.

Q. What's an ohm?
A. It's where a watt lives.

Absolute zero rules OK

A jump lead walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bar tender says "Ok, but don't start anything”

Why are scientists no good at telling jokes timing

Well what about the mature student having trouble with weight and mass? He couldn't tell his old tons from his Newtons

A man’s driving down the road behind an 18-wheeler. At every red light, the truck-driver gets out of his cab, runs back and bangs on the truck door. After seeing this at several sets of lights in a row, the car driver follows him until he pulls into a parking lot. When they’ve both come to a stop the truck driver once again jumps out, runs to the back and starts banging on the truck door.
The motorist goes up to him and says, "I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the truck-driver replies, "Sorry mate, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times."

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

From way down in my cranium,
This prediction I will make:
That if you eat uranium,
You'll get atomic ache.

Heisenberg must have been contemplating his love life when he discovered the Uncertainty Principle: When he had the time, he didn't have the energy.

A man goes into a shop.
Man: I'd like a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I've only got plain.

Einstein's Theory of Junkfood
E = MC (Donald's)

Einstein's Theory of Boybands
E = MC (Fly)

Einstein's Theory of Rappers
E = MC (Hammer)

Einstein's Theory of Music
E = F (flat)

Einstein's theory of cricket
E = MC (C)

Einstein's theory of parks
E = MC (Arthur)

Einsteins's Theory of Theatre
E = MC (Beth)

Einstein's Theory of Biscuits
E = MC (Vities)

Einstein's Theory of Tessellating Patterns
E = MC (Escher)

Einstein's Theory of Pastoral Farming
E = MC (Donald)

Einstein's Theory of Motor Racing
E = MC (Laren)

Einstein's theory of raining computers
E = MC (intosh)

Einstein's theory of bright coloured birds
E = MC (aws)

Einstein's theory of oily fish
E = MC (eral)