arrested; charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they
gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality
comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
The Lone Ranger and
Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes,
a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I
The cowboy looked
at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would
like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and
Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead
from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and
soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned
to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver
and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start
to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure
Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned
to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later,
another cowboy struts into the bar and announces,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands
again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy says to
him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know -
you left your Injun running..."