A salesman is driving
toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing
for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the
Indian gets in.
After a bit of small
talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's
in bag?", the Indian asks the driver.
The driver says,
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The Indian is silent
for a moment then says, "Good trade."
A man with a winking
problem is applying for a position as a sales representative
for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and
says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best
schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience
is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible position,
and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential
customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
So the applicant
reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts
of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored
condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this
is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees
womanizing all over the country!"
What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
how do you explain all these condoms?"
he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking,
and asked for aspirin?"
Two salesmen are
traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only
house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the
door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early
evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she
offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms.
In the morning they
call the tow truck and leave.
About three months
later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what
he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent
the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her
bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I
"And did you
use my name?"
"Why, yes how
did you know?"
"Well, it seems
she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Two salesmen were
traveling through northern Wisconsin one Feb. and it started
to snow. Harder and harder till they came to a complete stop.
One said "Hey there is a light on the hill. Must be a farm
house, lets get up there and see if we can sleep in the barn
rather than this cold car." After the widow lady answered
the door bell and they explained their problem she said "Well
gentlemen, you don't have to sleep in the barn. I am a widow
and I have three bedrooms here. Please come in and I will make
some warm dinner for you." They did and then watched some
TV and all went to bed. The next morning the roads had been
cleared and they thanked the widow and left.
About 9 months later
one salesman got a registered letter from the law offices of
Dewey, Cheatham and Howe in Madison Wisconsin. After he read
the letter he immediately called his associate and said, "Hey
Jim, do you remember when we got stuck in the snow last winter
in Wisconsin?" Sure replied Jim. "Well, tell me something,
did you by any chance sneak into the widows bedroom that night?"
"Well!" replied the salesman, "as a matter of
fact I did. But why do you ask?""Tell me something
else, first," he replied "did you by any chance use
my name?" "Well," said the salesman, "as
a matter of fact I did. After all you are single and always
sleeping around and I'm married and can't so I figured it was
safer that way. Why? what happened? Why are you asking these
the first salesman said, "It seems she died and left me
A little old lady
answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted
by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."
said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and
she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash,
the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide
open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until
you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he
emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum
cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the
electricity was cut off this morning."
What's the difference
between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?
Only the used car
salesemen knows when he lying.
A new sales assistant
was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the
sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were
passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer
asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to
water your lawn?
Customer : I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer : Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn
mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer : I'll take one of those too.
After the customer
left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?"
he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell
more than what the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant
headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work.
Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway, so
you might as well mow the lawn.