It was at the end of the school year, and a
kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her
pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook
it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it
is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how
did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The
next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The
teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I
bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's
right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just
a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from
the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the
package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop
of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her
tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied,
with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process,
taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is
it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with
more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before
declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the
boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of
iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name
begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am
I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking
over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom,
he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers
bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in
preparation for the arrival of students the next day.
The school where he had been a Principal the previous
year had used a check-out system only slightly less
elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked
the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's
wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the
teachers take things without requisitions?" The
Custodian looked at him gravely... "We trust them with
the children, don't we?"
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a
plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit
under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the
first day of the term, still with the cast under his
shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest
students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy
classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and
then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze
made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled
the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline
My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling
with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog,"
"dad," and "mom" have been proudly displayed for all to
see. One morning while getting ready for the day,
Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms
outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters:
G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a
proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I said.
"Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he
gets home tonight." That Christian education is
certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just
then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How
do you spell 'zilla?'"
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone
back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his
mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Wait a
minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three
months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
An English teacher often wrote little notes on student
essays. She was working late one night, and as the hours
passed, her handwriting deteriorated. The next day a
student came to her after class with his essay she had
corrected. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on
my paper." The teacher took the paper, and after
squinting at it for a minute, sheepishly replied, "It
says that you need to write more legibly!"
A young student reported for a final examination that
consisted of only true/false questions. The student took
a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes,
removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the
coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true,
tails meant false. The young student finished the exam
in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating
it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young
student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating
profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached the
student and asked what was going on. "Well, I finished
the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I
thought I ought to recheck my answers."
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son.
"Wake up now! It's time to go to school." "I don't want
to go to school," the son replied. His mother said,
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to
school." "Okay. One, all the children hate me. Two, all
the teachers hate me." "Not good enough," the mother
replied. "Fine," the son said. "Then you give me two
good reasons why I SHOULD go to school." "One, you're 50
years old. Two, you're the principal of the school."
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their
six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father,
though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he
did not know the way, he said that she would have to
direct him to the school. They rode several blocks
before she told him to turn the first time, several more
before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20
minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it
proved to be only a short distance from their home. The
father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led
him around in such a circle. The child explained,
"That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the
only way I know."
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where
I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside
his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I
heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"
Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I
tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be
fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school
nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance,
I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.
"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my
son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to
embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught
cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with