Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches
the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better
is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't
make him truthful.
Bill: Hey Phil, are you going fishing?
Bill: Ya got worms?
Phil: Yeah, but I'm still going!
A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work at a department
store. He approached the store manager who responded they needed
no help. Quite persistent, the boy returned again and again
until the manager finally said "We're having a holiday
sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try."
The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell.
At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster
over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had
sold $79,083.50 worth of merchandise. The manager asked how
he had done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy
was going fishing to have some sports fun so I asked if he wanted
some fish hooks, he said sure, That is $1.50. I asked if he
had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite extension
pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel, not yet replied the
customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35.00.
I asked here he was going fishing and he said Strawberry Reservoir.
I told him the best places to catch fish are near the center,
"Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I
set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28,000.00.
Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a
double axle trailer for $3,000.00. Then I asked what he had
to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him
that just wouldn't do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded
Dodge Ram dually, racked and packed with a tow package, trailer
hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He wanted it all."
As you can imagine the store manager was astounded. "And
to think it all began with that man asking for a package of
fish hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began
with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50, so I replied,
"Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend,
you might as well go fishing!"
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife
throws him out?
I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near
the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday,
early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was
cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his
wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said
to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in
the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There
are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered
into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole
and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink
David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and
had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his
luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all
but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping
in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse
me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you
are using?" he asked. The other man looked around a bit
embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident
I found that human tonsil works very well." David thanked
the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and
left. The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different
bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was
yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse
me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that
I could try?" "Well, I can, but I am not sure it will
do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix." "Hmm,"
thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require
a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the
lake one more try. On the third day, David still had no luck.
As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in
fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already
knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.
An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his.
So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't
had a chance to get his beloved waders on and his favorite flies
out of their box. Strangely though, every Sunday the weather
had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go
to work. The weather forecast was good again for the coming
Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his
voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over
his sermon. The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river
near the coast so that no one would recognize him. An angel
up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing.
He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down
the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river
bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the
monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch
that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson."
God replied "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much
is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow,
that's a big one!"
to daughter advice
Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole
fly rod and reel
I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife...
...best trade I ever made.
Last winter, while sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist
capsized his boat. The guy could swim, but his fear of alligators
kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist
shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw,"
the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward
the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How did
you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin',"
the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
one man could catch fish
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the
game warden that he would take him fishing the next day... Once
they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick
of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion
fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took
out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told
him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of
dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and
said " are you going to fish or talk?"
of season, no license
The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't
have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches
and asks "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this
stream yesterday" he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks
"Nope." "Well, meet the new game warden."
"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know
who I am?"
"Meet the biggest liar in the state."