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You're a Woman

A state trooper pulls over a blonde on a lonely back road and says, "Ma'am, is there a reason why you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So, I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. Then, I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

The officer reached through the side window to the rear view mirror, and explained, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.

Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..

Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'


If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.


Hate any bar he likes

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required gifts proving his love.

Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.

Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Break into tears for no apparent reason.

Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.