state trooper pulls over a blonde on a lonely back road and
says, "Ma'am, is there a reason why you're weaving all
over the road?"
The woman replied,
"Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an
accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of
me. So, I swerved to the left and there was another tree in
front of me. Then, I swerved to the right and there was another
tree in front of me!"
The officer reached
through the side window to the rear view mirror, and explained,
"Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...
When asked 'Is something bothering
you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are
Become attracted to someone
because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating
him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..
Always take an hour longer than
promised to prepare for the evening.
Always hide very important events
in very unimportant terms so you can have something to
be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he
has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal,
but I was wondering if you would like to visit my
parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when
you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my
family with me this weekend whether or not it is
If you are trying to sleep, it's
because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman
level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep
it's because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he
doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.
If he pays attention to you, he is
If he gives you space, he is
Hate any bar he likes
Demand to be treated as an equal
in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane
tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are
required gifts proving his love.
Declare PMS at any given time. If
he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're
irregular from all the stress of your life.
Remember that ANY woman who so
much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE
and your network of friends must be informed immediately
to spread this as quick as possible.
Make his life miserable by making
him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering
to your needs.
Break into tears for no apparent
Ask for help in some endeavor then
become livid when it is given.
Insinuate yourself into your
boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then
make sure you are present at every gathering for the
next month just to rub it in.