There's 1 redhead 1
brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space
center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I
want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she
can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to
Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I
want to go to the sun". The flight technician says,
"Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well
then I'll go at night."
A beautiful blonde
lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in
first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around
the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger
to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she
got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for
Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman,
"You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight
today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which
the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde,
beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in
first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her
supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must
move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand,
I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting
there in first class." Also confused, they go get the
captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The
blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde,
beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I
whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and
he proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly
she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look
of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are
startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her
that first class wasn't going to L.A."
A blonde walks into a
doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor
and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really
confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all
over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."
She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt
there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt
there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY
HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it
for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your
natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"
The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."
A young ventriloquist
is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in
a small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes,
when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on
her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of
your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you
can stereotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a
human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because
you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes but women at large... all in
the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The
blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm
talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
A man is driving
along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the
middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but
unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the
car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of
the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The
driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a
man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She
steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel
terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and
pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead
rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the
rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of
them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the
rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another
ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and
again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and
demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on
that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the
man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores
life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
A blonde and a lawyer
are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is
easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me
$5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries
to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says,
"Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00,
and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there
will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees
to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's
the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde
doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a
$5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the
lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up
a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and
searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the
air phone with his modem and searches the net and the
library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her
$500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a
little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's
the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her
purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.
A blonde and brunette
were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a
man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns
to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going
to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure
enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette
$50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I
watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."
"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched
the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do
it again."
A blonde stormed up
to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a
complaint!"
"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was
wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot
whatsoever!" said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the
person who took our phone book."
A blonde decides to
do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets
out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to
the video store and, after looking around for a while,
selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she
arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something
comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her
disappointment, there's nothing but static on the
screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I
just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing
on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied
the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those
tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied,
"It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
A man was in his
front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde
neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her
mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and
stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out
of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and
slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back
in her house.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came
out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it,
and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by
her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There
certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a
message saying "You've Got Mail."
A blonde walks into a
bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She
says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and
needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank
will need some kind of security for the loan, so the
blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car
is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has
the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to
accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's
president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against
a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to
drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and
parks it there.
Two weeks later, the
blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we
are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a
little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out
and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles
us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond
replies......................"Where else in New York
City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?" Finally, a smart
blonde.
A blonde returned
home from work and was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She called the police
immediately to report the crime. The police dispatcher
broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9
officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop
and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her
hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.
"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the
officer. The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"
During a rock
climbing expedition, an accident occurred, as some of
the grappling hooks gave way. This left the eleven
climbers clinging precariously to the wildly swinging
rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on the
Mountain. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a
group they decided that one of the party should let go.
If that didn't happen the weight on the rope would cause
more of the hooks to give way and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally
the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she
would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
All ten blondes applauded.
A blonde buys a
ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to lottery
headquarters to claim it and the man verifies his ticket
number. The blonde says, "I want my $20 million." The
man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh,
no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want
it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20
million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
A blonde buys a box
of laundry detergent, and it says on the box, "20 uses".
A day later, the blonde calls the laundry detergent
company and says" I bought your product and the box says
'20 uses', but all it does is my laundry!
Three women worked in
the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the
boss left work early. One day, the women decided that
when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she
never called or came back to work, so how would she know
they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be
home early. She did a little gardening, had some
playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The
redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout
at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was
happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But
when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from
inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open
the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed
with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out
of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the
brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early
again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go
with them. "No way," she said. "I almost got caught
yesterday!"
A blonde walks into a
library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The
librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the
blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
A plane is on its way
to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and
moves to the First Class section and sits down. The
flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her
ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for
economy and that she will have go sit in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going
to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The flight
attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in
First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back
to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because she only paid for Economy she will
have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde
replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells
the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that
won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes
back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without
question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the
Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are
amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without
any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to
Montreal."
A blonde decided to
redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls
of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her
friend blonde friend from next door had recently done
the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you
buy for your bedroom?" "Ten," said Buffy. So the blonde
bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she
had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten
rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2
leftover!" "Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
There was a married blonde who was
very concerned about her stupidity to her husband, so
she decides to make it up to him by painting the house
while he's at work.
When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously
green and smelled like paint, so he went to her wife to
see what's going on. When he went in the bedroom, she
was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket
over a leather jacket. The husband said "I like what you
did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket
over a leather jacket?" The blonde responds "When I was
reading the instructions on the can, it said 'FOR BEST
RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!'"
There was a blonde, a brunette,
and a red-head that was going on vacation to a native
island. The brunette brought a portable fridge with her.
The red-head asked her "Why are you carrying a fridge
with you?" The brunette replies "To keep all of our food
in." The red-head is carrying a shotgun with her. The
brunette asks "Why do you have that shotgun?" The
red-head says "Just in case we run out of food, we can
kill something to eat." The blonde is carrying their car
door with her. They both ask the blonde "Why are you
carrying our car door?" The blonde says "Just in case it
gets too hot, I can roll the window down."
As a trucker stops for a red
light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car,
runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The
trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is
Heather and you are losing some of your load." The
trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When
the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks
on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if
they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street. At the third red light, the
same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde
gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races
to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly
gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He
knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "
Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm
driving the SALT TRUCK!"
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